It's been about 4 days since I've been lamed. This inability to walk more than 200 feet without having to sit down really put the brakes on. It is turning out to be a mixed blessing. I needed to slow down, dial it down, rest, go easier on myself. Seattle just experienced an unusual snow episode; the city shut down for several days. I caught a nasty cold. Time to stay in bed and read a book. I read Gaiman's American Gods in about 3 days. 750 pages. Really good. Ate, read, slept. Probably the last thing I would have thought of doing just weeks before the shows, but there you go. The forced rest was a godsend.
I taught my weekly ballet class last night and walked home -- a 15-minute walk-- with no pain. That gave me hope.
I'm thinking that working on the ancients is affecting me more than I want to admit. It's affecting me for a number of reasons. In embodying them, learning what they are doing and how they are moving, I can't help but think about the future. In the far future, if I live another 25 or 30 years, I will be those people. But I realize that it is the near future that is affecting me more. I will lose these people sooner than that, and as much as I like to think I understand the way of life, it is an understanding that finds its security in the rational and intellectual. The emotional is another story.
Among the ancients are my mother and father. Of all the 371 people who contributed films, I have known these two people the longest. I wouldn't be here without them. I am so fortunate to have them still here at this time. All four of us children feel beyond blessed to still be able to talk and laugh with our parents in our late 50's. They are relatively healthy, still cognizant, funny, loving. They both feel so fortunate, and each one has told us (they are divorced and live in different states) that they have had wonderful lives and are ready to go when it's time. It's amazing. It's fantastic.
So I feel so lucky for all this, and simultaneously never really ready to lose them. I teeter between the sweetness of love and the pain of loss. That's life, isn't it?
Tonight, I was unable to sleep because of this cold. Every time I got horizontal-- even with those Breathe Easy strips-- I could not breathe through my nose. And as I lay there in bed, my thoughts went to what I've been writing about here, as well as a documentary Koushik and I watched this evening on Armistead Maupin.
I taught my weekly ballet class last night and walked home -- a 15-minute walk-- with no pain. That gave me hope.
I'm thinking that working on the ancients is affecting me more than I want to admit. It's affecting me for a number of reasons. In embodying them, learning what they are doing and how they are moving, I can't help but think about the future. In the far future, if I live another 25 or 30 years, I will be those people. But I realize that it is the near future that is affecting me more. I will lose these people sooner than that, and as much as I like to think I understand the way of life, it is an understanding that finds its security in the rational and intellectual. The emotional is another story.
Among the ancients are my mother and father. Of all the 371 people who contributed films, I have known these two people the longest. I wouldn't be here without them. I am so fortunate to have them still here at this time. All four of us children feel beyond blessed to still be able to talk and laugh with our parents in our late 50's. They are relatively healthy, still cognizant, funny, loving. They both feel so fortunate, and each one has told us (they are divorced and live in different states) that they have had wonderful lives and are ready to go when it's time. It's amazing. It's fantastic.
So I feel so lucky for all this, and simultaneously never really ready to lose them. I teeter between the sweetness of love and the pain of loss. That's life, isn't it?
Tonight, I was unable to sleep because of this cold. Every time I got horizontal-- even with those Breathe Easy strips-- I could not breathe through my nose. And as I lay there in bed, my thoughts went to what I've been writing about here, as well as a documentary Koushik and I watched this evening on Armistead Maupin.